Saturday, November 19, 2016
TS- The Creation and Achievement of the United Nations Sustainable Developmental Goals
The Sustainable Developmental Goals were created in order to focus the efforts of the United Nations, and while the goal is to achieve them all, the goal of eradicating poverty will be the hardest to achieve because of individual ideals, governments and the definition of poverty, whereas the goal to accomplish the ending of climate change will be the simplest to achieve because of existing technologies, current efforts, and necessity.
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This is a very well worded thesis statement, however, I do feel that it is a bit lengthy and wordy. You could combine the separate three part theses into one broader idea by saying how the goal of eradicating poverty contrasts to eliminating climate change in the factors that they both have in common, but on the opposite ends of the spectrum, that make them either difficult or simple, respectively.
ReplyDeleteThe Sustainable Developmental Goals were created in order to focus the efforts of the United Nations, and while the goal is to achieve them all, the goal of eradicating poverty will be the hardest to achieve because of definition of poverty, reasons for being in poverty and the difficulty of implementing solutions, whereas the goal to accomplish the ending of climate change will be the simplest to achieve because of current efforts and necessity.
ReplyDeleteOverall, you have the right idea but, as Allison points out, it is a bit wordy. Try to focus your thesis to help the reader more easily understand your argument. For example, you may want to take out some of the "background" and so you can focus on your argument. (Remember, the thesis statement comes at the end of your introduction so you can build up to your argument.)
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